By Pantherkut on
May 3rd, 2008
- Screaming at the can of food will not make it open itself
- I should not assume the patio door is open when I race outside to chase leaves
- If I play “dead cat on the stairs” while people are trying to bring in groceries or laundry, one of these days it will really come true
- If I put a live mouse in my food bowl, I should not expect it to stay there until I get hungry
- The guinea pig likes to sleep once in a while. I will not watch him constantly
- If I bite the cactus, it will bite back
- I will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare down the hall, and growl at nothing right after my human has finished watching “The X-Files.”
- My human is capable of cooking bacon and eggs without my help
- Television and computer screens do not exist to backlight my lovely tail
- No matter how dangly and attractive they are, my human’s earrings are not cat toys.
- The canned cat food is already dead. I do not need to kill it by swatting bits of it all over the floor.
- I am a carnivore. Potted plants are not meat
- I will never be able to walk on the ceiling, and staring up the wall and screaming at it will not bring it any closer.
- It is not a good idea to try to lap up the powdered creamer before it all dissolves in the boiling coffee
- If my human wants to share her sandwich with me, she will give me a piece. She will notice if I start eating it from the other end
- The goldfish likes living in water and must be allowed to remain in its bowl
- I cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside
- The large dog in the back yard has lived there for six years. I will not freak out every time I see it
- If I must give a present to my human’s overnight guests, my toy mouse is much more socially acceptable than a live cockroach, even if it isn’t as tasty
- As talented as I may be with kitty litter, my human will not be impressed with my attempts to build sand castles in the litter box
Things Cats Gotta Remember
